Why does this relationship stuff seem so much easier for other people, but when it comes to you and me, it's like solving a fucking mathematical equation.
What's wrong with us? We're good people. We treat each other kindly, we don't intentionally hurt others... We've just been ignored so long by our peers of the opposite sex that we haven't a clue what we're doing. Suppose that's our faults though. We just didn't put out enough or go to the right parties or hang out with right kind of people. Who knows what it was. I'm tired of trying to figure that out.
Thinking about having him out of my life hurts me like no one would believe. When I thought that was a possibility...I basically shut down for a couple of days. I found no point into getting out of bed, in going out of the house, in talking to people...in anything.
I hate knowing he's hurting inside and I can't be there for him. I hate actually being happy when he isn't. It's almost like we aren't allowed to be happy simultaneously, which I can't understand, but I know it absolutely isn't FAIR.
It's weird calling him my best friend out loud. Because he isn't; he's so much more than that. People wouldn't understand if I called him my soulmate though. Most people are brainwashed to believe soulmates are for people in love. In our case, that isn't true. He's my other half; he IS me, in male form. Nobody will ever be able to change that. Sure, there will always be an unspoken thing, but that isn't stopping us from moving on with our lives. He's moved on, I'm working on moving on, but we're always there for each other no matter what goes down.
I'm lucky. The guy I dig seems to be cool about having a friend so close. I guess in all fairness, he doesn't know quite HOW close just yet.
HE didn't get lucky, though. He had to pick the rotten apple of the bunch, trying to destroy everything between us due to some jealousy thing that girls get (I'll never understand that). Sick as it is, I felt flattered that she considered me a threat. She needs to learn I will never, ever back down. I would put my life out on the line for him, and I know he'd do the same for me.
I get to see him again. First time in almost two years, we get to see each other face-to-face. I wanna be able to look at him, to gaze at him, knowing I'm the one who makes him smile and laugh and (hopefully) feel so happy inside. I'm hoping after all the years of trying to build him up, he'll finally see how worth it he is; how wonderful and funny and intelligent he is, and how lucky some girl would be to have him. He just needs to find the right one. I know how fortunate I am just to know him. We've barely been friends for 3 years, but I can't even think about what I would do without him in my life right now.
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