100 Movies in 2009

1. Disaster Movie <*
2. The Wackness ***
3. Netherbeast, Incorporated *1/2
4. The Family That Preys **1/2
5. My Best Friend's Girl **
6. College *1/2
7. Lakeview Terrace ***
8. Secret Life of Bees ***
9. RENT: Live on Broadway ***1/2
10. Hello, Dolly! ****
11. Zack and Miri ***1/2
12. Madea Goes to Jail ***
13. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People ***
14. Choke ***1/2
15. Return to Sleepaway Camp *** (good in the WORST way)
16. Still Waiting <*
17. Sex Drive ***
18. What Just Happened *
19. Swing Vote ***
20. Minghags *
21. Words and Music **
22. Can't Hardly Wait **1/2
23. Role Models **
24. Milk ***1/2
25. Madea Goes to Jail **
26. Rachel Getting Married ***
27. I Love You, Man ***
28. Bolt *
29. Soldier's Girl ***1/2
30. The Fall ****
31. Doubt **
32. Yes, Man **1/2
33. Bedroom Stories ***
34. Changeling ***
35. The Gray Man **
36. Bride Wars *
37. Hotel for Dogs **1/2
38. Dear Me *1/2
39. Last Chance Harvey ****
40. Paul Blart: Mall Cop **
41. Vicky Cristina Barcelona *1/2
42. Divine Trash **1/2
43. Ghost Town **1/2
44. New in Town **
45. Revolutionary Road ***
46. The Spirit ***
47. Fanboys ***1/2
48. The Hangover ****
49. Chicago **1/2
50. Confessions of a Shopaholic *
51. Kentucky Fried Movie *1/2
52. Princess Protection Program **
53. Madagascar 2 **1/2
54. Away We Go ***1/2
55. Sabrina ***
56. The Great Buck Howard ***
57. Coraline ***1/2
58. Paris When it Sizzles ****
59. Bruno ***1/2
60. Spiderwick Chronicles **1/2
61. The Uninvited *
62. Funny People **
63. The Haunting in Connecticut **
64. 17 Again **1/2
65. Woodstock ***1/2
66. Alice's Restaurant **1/2
67. High Society ***1/2
68. Sunshine Cleaning **1/2
69. Adventureland ***
70. Taking Woodstock ***1/2
71. Inglorious Basterds ****
72. Welcome to the Dollhouse **
73. Dance Flick **
74. I Love You, Beth Cooper **1/2
75. Grey Gardens **1/2
76. Observe and Report *
77. Happy Endings **1/2
78. Zombieland ****
79. Harold *
80. Couple's Retreat **
81. Where the Wild Things Are ***1/2
82. Orphan ***
83. Space Chimps *1/2
84. Pirate Radio **1/2
85. A Fish Called Wanda **1/2
86. The Proposal **1/2
87. New Moon ***
88. Up ***1/2
89. The Family Stone **
90. Tommy ***1/2
91. Julie & Julia ***1/2
92. The Kids Are Alright ***
93. Night at the Museum 2 *1/2
94. 500 Days of Summer ***

100 Movies in 2008

Since 2008, I've decided to keep the lists of movies I've seen throughout the year. Instead of having them disappear in my blog on IJ, I thought I'd transfer them over here so I may see them. I like to reference them once in awhile, so there's no way I'm just completely deleting them. Any questions, comments, suggestions, go ahead and leave a post!

1.Smiley Face **1/2
2.Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas ****
3.Homeless to Harvard ***
4.Good Luck Chuck **
5.Suburban Girl *1/2
6.Paris, Je t'aime *
7.Wedding Daze **1/2
8.Sydney White ***
9.The Gameplan **
10.Blazing Saddles *1/2 (though the ending was fucking brilliant)
11.This Filthy World ****
12.Adrift in Manhattan *1/2
13.The Comebacks *
14.Little Manhattan ***
15.King of California ***
16.Moving McAllister *1/2
17.Candy **1/2
18.High Anxiety *** (Madeline Kahn and Cloris Leachman are women masters in comedy)
19.Desperate Living ***
20.The Amateurs ****
21.The Ten ***1/2
22.Sarah Silverman-Jesus is Magic *
23.A Dirty Shame *1/2
24.After Sex **
25.No Reservations ***
26.Conversation(s) With Other Women **1/2
27.I Want Someone To Eat Cheese With * (amazing cast, but that's about it)
28.Pecker ***
29.Death at a Funeral **1/2
30.Martian Child ***1/2
31.The Darjeeling Limited ***
32.Torch Song Trilogy ***
33.Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium **
34.My Kid Could Paint That ***
35.Dan in Real Life **1/2
36.Bee Movie ***
37.Scoop ***
38.Meet Market *1/2
39.Wristcutters: A Love Story **1/2
40.Cecil B. Demented ***
41.Alvin & the Chipmunks ***
42.Empire Records ****
43.Walk Hard *** (this immediately got pushed up to 3 only because of their portayal of the Beatles, okay?)
44.Lars and the Real Girl ***1/2
45.Prom Night *1/2
46.Forgetting Sarah Marshall **1/2
47.Election ***
48.27 Dresses ***
49.The Jerk **
50.Baby Mama *1/2
51.I Really Hate My Job *
52.P.S. I Love You **1/2
53.Adam and Steve ***
54.Senior Skip Day **1/2
55.Angels in America ****
56.National Treasure 2:Book of Secrets ***1/2
57.First Sunday **1/2
58.Strange Wilderness *
59.Chronicles of Narnia ***
60.Be My Baby **
61.The Fortune Cookie ***
62.Meet The Spartans *** (I still love gay jokes, please don't hurt me!)
63.Onion Movie **
64.Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show **1/2
65.Bucket List ****
66.Me And You And Everyone We Know **
67.Be Kind, Rewind ***1/2
68.Semi-Pro *1/2
69.Blind Dating ***
70.Love & Other Disasters **1/2
71.Super High Me ***1/2
72.My Mom's New Boyfriend ***
73.Charlie Bartlett ****
74.Mad Money **
75.Definitely, Maybe ***1/2
76.Careless *
77.Partner(s) *1/2
78.Drillbit Taylor ***
79.Three Amigos ***
80.Vantage Point **1/2
81.You Don't Mess With the Zohan ***
82.The Saddest Music in the World ****
83.Tracey Fragments *
84.Mr. Mom **
85.Unaccompanied Minors **1/2
86.Stop-Loss ****
87.Dungeon Girl **1/2
88.Superhero Movie *1/2
89.Dick ***
90.Why Did I Get Married? ***1/2
91.Shutter **1/2
92.Penelope **1/2
93.Bill ***
94.Coffee & Cigarettes *
95.Whitecoats **1/2
96.Dreamgirls **1/2
97.21 ***
98.Mamma Mia! ***1/2
99.Chaos Theory **1/2
100.Airplane! ****
101.Meet The Browns ***
102.Wrong Guy ***
103.Dog Park **1/2
104.Never Back Down *1/2
105.Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay ***
106.Diary of a Mad Black Woman **1/2
107.Madea's Family Reunion ***1/2
108.Queen Sized ***
109.Nim's Island ***1/2
110.Miss Conception **1/2
111.Fool's Gold ***1/2
112.Smart People ***
113.Pineapple Express ****
114.Mama's Boy *1/2
115.American Mall **1/2
116.Get Real ***1/2
117.Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants **
118.An American Crime ***1/2
119.Camp Rock **
120.Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day ***1/2
121.What Happens in Vegas *
122.House Bunny **
123.Brain Candy **
124.Itty Bitty Titty Committee ****
125.Hamlet 2 ***1/2
126.Heckler **1/2
127.Tropic Thunder **1/2
128.Made of Honor **
129.Finding Amanda ***
130.Leatherheads ***
131.Romance & Cigarettes ***
132.Sex and the City ****
133.Another Cinderella Story *
134.Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist ****
135.An Affair to Remember ***
136.Kit Kittredge ***1/2
137.Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour **
138.All She Wants for Christmas **1/2
139.A New Wave **
140.Wall-E ***1/2
141.Hancock ***1/2
142.Four Christmases ***
143.Step Brothers *1/2
144.Wanted ***
145.In the Land of Women **1/2
146.The Dark Knight ** (Just not my kind of movie; really only watched it for the Joker.)
147.Horton Hears a Who **
148.Fierce People **1/2 (talk about seriously FUCKED UP)
149.Another Gay Sequel *** (I'm in love with Scott Thompson, all right?)
150.This Christmas ***
151.Burn After Reading *1/2
152.American Teen **

Ska Music

It's rare that I ever post my own writings for people to read, but I think I've gotten somewhat big-headed that I've become proud of my work. So here's a short I started writing quite a few months ago, and just finished :)

"She sat in the passenger seat, nodding her head silently along to the radio. The song that was playing didn’t interest her in the least, however she feared turning it off and facing the ever more awkward silence between her and the man sitting in the driver’s seat. This was the first time they had ever been alone; on top of that, they were stuck together in a tiny 4-door sedan on the highway. She found herself roped into a road trip with him to Alabama, where he currently resided. She didn’t think of the repercussions; it was the first time she ever acted on a whim. Boy was she paying for it now. After two years of texting back and forth night after night, their relationship seemed pretty solid. However, being face-to-face with him was proving the difficulty of reality after an almost-anonymous relationship. They hadn’t spoken in what felt like hours. The excitement of meeting in person after the two-year hiatus had worn off. Now, she faced the toughest challenge yet- the decision to retire listening to the radio and attempt meaningless conversation. Stiffly, she picked her arm up and moved her hand so her fingers pushed against the button on the radio and the music shut off immediately. She sat back in her seat, eyes shifting back and forth. Inconspicuously, she eyed the man (let’s give him a name…) Marcus and took in his physical attributions- his muscular arms, short brown hair, beautiful brown puppy-dog eyes hiding underneath his glasses resting on his small, pug nose, and the tiny bit of stubble on his chin, growing in after this morning’s shave. She also took in how he gripped the steering wheel with his left hand, his right resting on his thigh. He sat in a somewhat laid back, comfortable position despite the awkward tension in the car. His eyes never left the road, not even as she moved for the first time in what felt like hours. She cleared her throat, as she often did in quiet situations, and let out a loud exhale. She opted to stare out the window, but what was there to look at? Vast empty fields the stretched for miles and miles; is this what Alabama looked like? Great, she found something else to regret about this trip. Behind her, she heard the whir of the CD player, and whipped her head around to see Marcus inserting a CD with a smile on his face. She couldn’t understand how this didn’t feel just as awkward for him as it did for her; sure, he was MUCH more happy-go-lucky than her, but there had to be things that bothered him as well. The stifling silence in the far too small car must be making SOME impact on his mood. But oh, no. She scowled behind her blonde hair at him for his chipperness, wishing she could feel the same.
Then, it began. The CD he inserted began to play with a loud introduction of trumpets and trombones, leading into a sick guitar riff. The girl couldn’t contain the smile the stretched across her face; this band…this music always seemed to break her out of any funk she found herself falling into. She turned her head over to face the boy, who had an equally wide grin on his face, glancing away from the road for a moment to lock eyes with her. Marcus’ hand was beating on his knee to the song, and the girl couldn’t help but tap her feet along. Simultaneously, the boy and the girl found themselves joined in harmony, singing the lyrics along to the song as loudly and proudly as they could. In that instant, the girl forgot all about her anxiety she had built up in the car and allowed herself to let go, grinning ear-to-ear and losing herself in the music. It was the music, the Ska music; it always brought the boy and the girl closer together. In that instant, her eyes finding the boy’s once more in the tiny car, cruising 80 miles an hour down the highway, heading to and unfamiliar destination; having the music to always bind them, she knew that it was going to be all right."

Celebrity Playlist

Due to my boredom and obsession with music/playlists, I decided to make my own "celebrity playlist". Really, this does just prove how pathetic my life is haha

1) Dancing the Whole Way Home- Miss Li

I just loved her whole album, but this has become one of my more favorite songs. It's bouncy and bubbly, and really starts your day off nicely when you hear it :) She's not as widely known in the US, but she deserves a fair chance- her music is just awesome ♥

2) Pick Me Up- Sue and the Unicorn

This is my own little secret for the most part; I've been listening to it more and more lately, because I can actually for the first time identify with it haha. If someone knows where I can dl Sue & the Unicorn songs, please let me know :( I have to rely on watching the vid 854358 times a day, but I wanna be able to have it on repeat for hours on my iPod. It's just a cute and adorable song, and sometimes those are okay to have.

3) Telephone-Lady GaGa & Beyonce

Yeah...I know most of you know I'm not a GaGa fan..AT ALL, but the more I watch this vid, the more I've been digging the song. (I think I like the video a little more than I rightfully should...).

4) Romeo & Juliet- Dire Straits

Just another beautiful song with great lyrics by an awesome band. Hell yeah, I'm all about the adjectives haha. I'm not a fan of the whole Romeo & Juliet thing, but I can dig this song for some reason. Maybe cause it focuses on the love more than anything, and it's just so damn pretty.

5) White Rabbit- Grace Potter & the Nocturnals

The ONLY song I liked off of the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack, and the ONLY acceptable cover of such a fantastic song. and OMFG if she doesn't look like Busy Phillips- holy shit.

6) Cuddle Fuddle-Passion Pit

Of course, I have to give props to for turning me on to this song, cause this has become one of my favorites. I just love the lyrics and the style of music that goes with them...it just sounds good all over.

7) Video Phone- Beyonce & Lady GaGa

Again, NOT a GaGa fan, but I can't help but find myself hopelessly addicted to this song. I think I'm just desperate for dance music, and these seem to be what I fall upon haha.

8) Spit it Out-IAMX

Going through a weird IAMX phase lately, and just can't get enough, especially of this song. Even though his puppet-like features freak me out, doesn't change the fact he's an awesome songwriter/singer.

9) Tight Pants/Body Rolls- Leslie & the LYs

Obviously, I'll never get enough of this. Goddammit. I blame you .

10) Sour Cherry-The Kills

I wanna hate her, I really do...but the music and her voice just fucking kick ass. Plus I found out she was born/lived in Vero Beach...20 minutes away from where I live. How cool is that!?

11) Can't Stop Getting Wasted- RiD

Can't get enough of this song lately...it's weird. I never paid much attention to it before, now it's my newest RiD addiction haha♥

12) Don't Start a Band- Reel Big Fish

This follows my RBF obsession, cause I can't fucking stop listening to them if I tried haha. This has become my favorite of the moment, I think cause I dig the video AND just the power behind the song- it sounds so good. I love watching their videos, cause they're very animated and funny as all hell. I can't wait til I can see them live one day.

13) Upside Down- Paloma Faith

Cute song, cute video, cute Paloma, cute everythinggg. Her music is definitely a kind I never thought I'd be into, but really I dig her whole album. This one just sticks out more since the video only came out about a month ago. I haven't been able to stop listening to it since.

14) Talk Dirty to Me- Reel Big Fish

Never heard the original, but they're seriously masters of their craft. They kick ass with every song they cover; it's so good. This one's just fun to sing along to haha.

You'll always be number one to me.

Why does this relationship stuff seem so much easier for other people, but when it comes to you and me, it's like solving a fucking mathematical equation.

What's wrong with us? We're good people. We treat each other kindly, we don't intentionally hurt others... We've just been ignored so long by our peers of the opposite sex that we haven't a clue what we're doing. Suppose that's our faults though. We just didn't put out enough or go to the right parties or hang out with right kind of people. Who knows what it was. I'm tired of trying to figure that out.

Thinking about having him out of my life hurts me like no one would believe. When I thought that was a possibility...I basically shut down for a couple of days. I found no point into getting out of bed, in going out of the house, in talking to people...in anything.

I hate knowing he's hurting inside and I can't be there for him. I hate actually being happy when he isn't. It's almost like we aren't allowed to be happy simultaneously, which I can't understand, but I know it absolutely isn't FAIR.

It's weird calling him my best friend out loud. Because he isn't; he's so much more than that. People wouldn't understand if I called him my soulmate though. Most people are brainwashed to believe soulmates are for people in love. In our case, that isn't true. He's my other half; he IS me, in male form. Nobody will ever be able to change that. Sure, there will always be an unspoken thing, but that isn't stopping us from moving on with our lives. He's moved on, I'm working on moving on, but we're always there for each other no matter what goes down.

I'm lucky. The guy I dig seems to be cool about having a friend so close. I guess in all fairness, he doesn't know quite HOW close just yet.
HE didn't get lucky, though. He had to pick the rotten apple of the bunch, trying to destroy everything between us due to some jealousy thing that girls get (I'll never understand that). Sick as it is, I felt flattered that she considered me a threat. She needs to learn I will never, ever back down. I would put my life out on the line for him, and I know he'd do the same for me.

I get to see him again. First time in almost two years, we get to see each other face-to-face. I wanna be able to look at him, to gaze at him, knowing I'm the one who makes him smile and laugh and (hopefully) feel so happy inside. I'm hoping after all the years of trying to build him up, he'll finally see how worth it he is; how wonderful and funny and intelligent he is, and how lucky some girl would be to have him. He just needs to find the right one. I know how fortunate I am just to know him. We've barely been friends for 3 years, but I can't even think about what I would do without him in my life right now.

Don't read if you're pro-marriage, or any of that rubbish

What is it in our anatomy that gives us the primal urge to NEED another human being? Not always multiple partners, but we find one specific person to share the rest of our lives with (or for a select few, thats what we hope for).

I don't think the institution of marriage is dying. I think it's still a built up tradition that men and women follow by instinct.
But why? Why do we feel that love needs to be sealed into a binding contract? I mean, that's all it is isn't it? Sure, you have a nice ceremony in a church or on a beach, costing you ridiculous amounts of money, with family members you never bother keeping in contact with and creating a few lasting memories. You can do the same thing by going to a family reunion and you wouldn't lose that much money.
Sure, divorce rates are higher, but I also think that's due to the number of marriages still growing, not dwindling. There are women who are always going to confused love with marriage, or the other way around. I can get into a rant about how movies and TV commercial are to blame, but that's a whole other discussion by itself.
Sure, you can call me bitter. But figure this: I can't think of one experience anyone close to me has had/will have with this. My parents are divorced, I watched a couple of my friends rush into it like it was no big thing, secretly leading me to believe they just wanted their last names changed. My mother's best friend just went through a MESSY divorce after forcing a piece of shit to marry her. My grandparents are stuck in a loveless marriage, bitter and stubborn and yelling at each other every chance they get, and I even believe my own brother is being forced into it. I keep wanting to ask him- if she hadn't practically threatened you (you may see it as a way of love, I just see it as a threat and blackmail), then when or WOULD you have ever proposed?
I'm all for love. If that's your cup of tea, then go for it. What I can't stand is these women (a great deal my age) who are so frightened to be single that they search, constantly search for a partner. I don't think anyone wants to grow old and die alone, but what's wrong with enjoying part of your life being single? It's almost as if the '30's and '40's never happened, and while women have jobs equal to men and can vote, they're still being set back decades with this wife, baby, and homemaker shit.
Maybe because I've never had it, I don't understand the great illusion of love and all the "mysteries" (what ever the fuck those are) that come with it, but all I know is that I'm happy and I'm comfortable being single, and if I never meet anybody and fall into the cliche that I loathe so dearly, then that is just all right with me.

Favorite Albums of 2009

I know this is about a month late, but it really did take me this long to think about the subject. I'm not really much of an album person. It's rare that I will like every single song on an album. I have this year though, but with older albums (examples: Robots in Disguise- We're in the Music Biz, Elton John- Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, CKY- Volume 1 & Infiltrate.Destroy.Rebuild, & Less Than Jake- Anthem). I'm also more of a fan of Soundtracks, I think due to my obsession with mixed tapes/CDs. However, as I said, after long consideration, I've realized that there are in fact, a few albums released in 2009 that struck my fancy. So here they are below:

Best Albums of 2009:



Miss Li- Dancing the Whole Way Home

I first heard the song "Bourgeois Shangri-la" on the iPod Nano Video commercial and the more I saw the commercial and heard the song, the more I wanted to find out who sang it and listen to more. I was glad I did, because all of her music has such an interesting sound to it; it's very bubbly and upbeat, though it seems the lyrics aren't always. She sings a lot about love, which is adorable, considering her voice. I find she seems to be underrated in the States; I haven't really met anyone else who has heard of her, so to me, that makes it all the more special when I listen to and enjoy her music.

Song to listen to/download: Bourgeois Shangri-La <---it's a good starting place to get a grasp of her music.




Vampire Weekend- Contra

I've recently become a fan and I have to say, I am blown away by their music. In the past I have heard of them, but now I'm kicking myself for not jumping on the bandwagon sooner. I find their music fascinating and just like their first album (which I just recently listened to), they have such a mixture of music, it's almost like a mixed tape. I also just read an incredibly interesting article on them in Rolling Stone, so go pick that up and check it out! It really gives insight into them as more than artists, so it literally upped my respect for them quite a bit.

Song to listen to/download Cousins <---Watch the video, too. It's pretty ace.

Best Soundtracks of 2009:



(500) Days of Summer

Okay, this was definitely not my favorite movie of 2009 (as much as I wanted it to be), but what made it worth even finishing was the soundtrack. It even helped me enjoy a Smiths song for the first time! (Smiths lovers, step away) It had such a random collection of music yet it somehow all fit together perfectly, and that made it remind me of my own mixes. I can definitely say not only because of Joseph Gordon-Levitt's cuteness, but this soundtrack actually makes the movie worth seeing, so check it out if you get a chance!

Song to listen to/Download Hero- Regina Spektor <---Beautiful, just beautiful.




Jennifer's Body

This movie wasn't NEARLY as bad as I thought it was going to be; really, I enjoyed it a lot. The music in it seemed to compliment every single scene: the morose students in school after the death of some of their classmates, the hard rock playing before something bad's going to happen. What is even better is that the music is very modern, so if you're looking for a good soundtrack with a mixture of indie, screamo, and hard rock that could very well pertain to your own life in high school, then go for this.

Song to listen to/download Teenagers- Hayley Williams.

An ode to a best friend

I never thought I'd miss her so much. Before I start, I wanna say that I blame myself for everything. This will make more sense as the story goes on.
We were inseperable from the time she decided to befriend me when we were 9. She and two other girls came to my first ever birthday sleepover. I got scared for some reason, so I slept in the room with my mom- normal 3rd grade behavior, right? As I can remember, she was the only one who didn't judge me or decide to tell our whole grade about it at lunch the following Monday. She started breaking off plans with other friends she knew longer just to hang out with me. I knew from that point on that no matter what, it'd be us against the world.
We never had a class together after that. But, that didn't stop us from hanging out almost everyday. We walked to school together, chatted during classtime (the bathrooms were open for two classrooms, and she was luckily in the class right next to mine), spent our summers sunbathing and her teaching me how to shave my legs. Bad idea at 10 years old- I still have the scar on my ankle to prove it. In return, I introduced her to Rocky Horror Picture Show. Instead of recoiling in horror at the images on screen (as most people have), she embraced it, and to this day, I know she's out there somewhere doing the Time Warp again.
We went to camp together, learned the Electric Slide, learned how to do back bends and back handsprings, flirted with a cute counselor or two and learned how to play all of our favorite card games (which got us through hours and hours of boredom).
She knew everything wrong with my family, and I knew everything wrong with hers. We never judged- it was her and I against the world.
She was the only person I attempted to try alcohol with. Attempted, because it was straight vodka, which I can distinctly remember tasting exactly like rubbing alcohol, and I don't remember ever swallowing it. That same night though, I remember she secretly bought me a small cake when we were at Publix for my birthday. She always did little gestures like that, and it would make me forget the somewhat esteem-killing things she would say to me.
We would spend holdays together. Bored after opening presents, or wanting to play with each others, we would spend the rest of the day at each other's house, enjoying what was left of the Christmas magic we both loved so much.
At first, we never fought. Then, just as best friends should naturally do, we did. A lot, it seemed, especially through 6th grade. She was reaching the height of her popularity, and I was hiding back in the shadows, still way too immature for my age and not ready to face new people head-on. We rode the bus together almost everyday through high school. We would do the cha-cha slide, sing loudly together, or rest our tired eyes, her head always falling against my shoulder. We were comfortable with each other- who cared who saw us and what they thought? It was her and I against the world.
If we fought, the longest it lasted was a day. We just couldn't avoid each other.
She had always changed her wardrobe- thats what she did. As I recall, she was goth, preppy, sporty, and tomboyish all before 4th grade was over. So no surprise that her wardrobe changed all through middle school and even part of high school (I think to my liking- band t-shirts, Skateboarding and Surfing logos, all of that).
We've had countless sleepovers. More so at my house, but as we reached Freshman and Sophomore year, I was at her house constantly. Usually we'd be together after school; even though I moved, I only lived a street away and it literally took me 3 minutes to get to her backyard from mine. If she ever needed me, I could be there for her. Her and I against the world.
We had similar, yet very different tastes. We never pressured each other to get into the same stuff, though. She loved gory horror flicks (which I later seceded to and was forced to watch at our many sleepovers) and Rob Zombie, and I was happy with My Chemical Romance and Sixteen Candles. We did both develop similarities in movies- mainly dark roles. Cruel Intentions and Jawbreakers she introduced to me; Thirteen and Girl, Interrupted became our movie of choice for freshman year. Still one of my favorite movies.
We first saw Breakfast Club together. I'll never forget that. Randomly switching through the channels one night, we came upon it and couldnt turn it off once it started. We fell in love, and personally, it's still one of my favorites, mainly because I have that memory attached to it.
We first watched Skinemax together. Accidentally, of course. Two 11 year old girls who couldn't sleep- what else would we do? I'll never forget discovering that Kama Sutra was a nasty program, only previously heard mentioned off-handedly in an episode of South Park.
At 10 or 11 (we spent both summers together) we explored sexuality at that young age. I think I did so before I even knew what it was. We would pose in "sexy ways", wearing robes with nothing underneath (but NEVER looking at each other's pre-pubescent messes), and taking fake pictures.
We never practiced kissing or anything that most girls would do at our age- as far as she told me, she did that with other girls. We would occasionally hold hands or link arms in public, as best friends do. She'd forcefully sit on my lap when I was on her computer or really, just sitting in a chair. For some reason, I'll never figure out, I used to let her lay on my back when we would watch a movie. I guess because it was unbelievably comforting, to have someone want to be that close to you all the time. I don't think anyone ever knew that about us. Her and I against the world.
Freshman year. What a shitty year. The best thing it did was bring her and I closer together. We both had bad experiences with our different "cliques"- her on the benches with the preps by the cafeteria, me with the freaks on the belltower. During lunch- ah, I miss those 45 minute lunches- she would find me, and we often ended our long lunch hour resting our heads against each other's, praying the day would end so we could avoid the people who made us miserable. After school times often included scrounging up any loose money we could find, and taking bike rides or walks to the ice cream shop to get our favorite chocolate milkshakes (I think the owner loved us, too- we were his best customers).
She told me she thought she liked girls. I didn't judge her.
She began to party more, as kids usually did in high school. I was an exception. I was depressed, feeling lonely though I wasn't lonely, and didn't like drinking or smoking as everyone else in my class did. I let her go, though, because I always knew she would return safely back to me. Just her and I against the world.
The summer after freshman year was ours. I went to Connecticut for a couple of weeks, came home to my best friend doing her favorite bit- running from around the corner and jumping on me, legs and arms wrapped around me in the most bear-tight hug you could imagine. We'd then spend the rest of the summer eating horrible junk food, learning how to "Sweat to the Oldies", how to bend our bodies in awkward positions (aka- Pilates), swimming, taking walks or bike rides, sleepovers involving us staying up half the night so I could listen to her new boy-filled crazy dilemma, and cuddling up on the couch to watch our favorite movie.
It was 8th or maybe 9th grade. I got a call from her, but refused it because I was watching a movie, figuring she wanted to talk or force me to hang out. She called back several minutes later and I answered to her crying over the phone. She sounded horrible, and I knew she needed me. She asked me to come over, and I spared no second running out that door, through that overgrown lot into her house, which I found trashed and her crying on the floor in the kitchen, a knife in her hand. I carefully took the knife from her, but had no idea how to comfort her at that point (never had to deal with it before, so how would I know what to do?) I sat quietly, staring with large eyes as she slowly stopped crying, then I helped her clean up her house before her dad came home, then I believe I spent a few hours with her. To this day, I can't remember what set her off- I think it was another boy, but I don't want her to sound so shallow. She ran a lot deeper than I anyone else but me would expect.
10th grade was our year. Freshman year had brought us closer together, and we were damn near inseperable. There was almost no day that she wouldn't come to my house after school (I had food in my pantry, after all) and we would either put on a horrible movie (School of Rock, anyone? We had it hard for the drummer) or she would blast the worst ghetto music off of my brother's computer. We went to our first concert together alone. I believe it was called Nintendo Fusion Tour- I was there to see MCR, she was there to see Story of the Year, her favorite band at that precise moment.
She hated my friends, and I hated her friends. It worked out well for us.
If you remember, I blame myself for what happened next. I announced to her we were moving. I was selfish. I never really thought how much of an impact it would have on her. We spent as much time as possible together those last few months (even more than we already had been).
I went to her 16th birthday party. Not much fun- I spent most of it hiding in her room (I barely knew anyone there, but she wanted me present). I bought her condoms as a joke.
We made a pact, which I never told her, but I was proud she kept it- we wouldn't lose our virginities until after we turned 16. She made it I believe to April or May after turning 16, and well...I'm still holding onto it.
I remember the last day vividly- after school, we hung out just like any other day, and when it was time to leave, her dad gave me the biggest hug (I reckon I was his second daughter, and I didn't realize it until only a year ago- I feel as though he silently thanked me for keeping her grounded as well as I did). We hugged for...I don't even remember how long. I just remember waiting until I got into the car before bursting out in sobs and tears, joining Tiffany already broken down in the driveway. That was probably the hardest thing I ever did. Was no longer her and I against the world. "Miss You" and "Sidewalks" became our anthems. People didn't understand, thought it was weird; but it was ours...and it still is.
I became numb in the months following. I'm sure a large part of it was being away from my rock, the only other person who looked after me. I judged her, only thinking back for so long on all of the negative things she said about me (to me, actually), but she really had so many redeeming qualities that made up for it.
I loved that people looked at us from the start and couldn't believe we were friends- we contrasted so much. We used to tell people we were stepsisters, and they bought it for quite a long time. That's how she was coined the nickname as my "Stepsister from Hell" (she was like the little devil on my shoulder fighting against the angel in good and bad moral times).
That summer, she freed me of my numbness by visiting me in Connecticut. I liked introducing her to my new "friends", all of whom really took to her outgoing and chipper personality. She wasn't fargone...yet. Just wait and see.
That summer, she showed me the Xanny bars she learned to do, huffed an entire can of glade air freshener, then met my friend down the street high as a kite (which was an adventure...I had to have her ride me piggy-back just to get her back to my house without falling over in the street). She stole books and shirts for me and her (her new favorite hobby), we took long walks, meeting Mike Jones and Rob for skateboarding and Burger King. She was the first person I ever smoked weed with- well, her and Rob. That night, once Rob left, he called me and we had an amazing conversation until 1 in the morning. After that, I couldn't tell if he was more into Tiffany (as he seemed to be) or me. We watched horror movies, of course, until I was too freaked out and had to go to bed. It was also the first time we both traveled to New York, and I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else. It was her and I against the world once again.
Although I was somewhat disgusted at her new favorite hobbies (huffing, snorting, etc.), she redeemed herself by acting like herself around me (she never acted this way with anyone else- I knew this was the real her) and wrote me an amazing letter the night before she left, which I haven't had the heart to get rid of.
We started talking less, her party life taking over her whole life. We drifted apart, even when I moved back home for that short two months. She would drive me to and from school, for which I was grateful, but we fell apart after the school year ended; like she couldn't be bothered with me anymore. I moved back to Connecticut, she resumed partying and working harder and harder.
The last time we spent any real time together was 2 1/2 years ago. She convinced me to drive up to Gainesville with her so she could register and pay for her classes and find her new apartment. Part of the ride was spent in silence- we were both so exhausted from being up early. Soon though, around lunch and afterwards, it was like we were our old selves again. We laughed about nothing in particular, and joked around about everything. We drove back around 4pm that afternoon, again exhausted, but I was happy to be in her company.
Except when I had the worst sunburn of my life (sun poisoning for two weeks with no trip the hospital...thanks mom), and I was embarrassed by the redness of my upper body, the blisters on my shoulders and upper arms, and the fact I could wear nothing but a tube top (no bra), she still came over and didn't judge me. Just went about, making cookies and watching movies that day.
She's like a different person now. I know people grow and change but...I've never seen someone so out of control. I'm not trying to pride myself when I say the following thing- I think I was the one thing that kept her grounded, kept her from going crazy with the partying, the drugs, the all-night dancing, the random dude-fucking, etc. etc. etc. It's too late for her to turn back now- this is who she is. She's a person completely unrecognizable to me. Yet, I can't forget the fact that we spent 9 years being each other's best friends and I do love her. I wanna think and pray and hope that she's still the same person somewhere deep down inside, that she remembers all of the great things we did together and all of the time we spent looking out for each other, caring for each other, loving each other.
She'll sometimes leave a random comment on Facebook or Myspace, as I will too, about a movie we're watching or a song we hear that will immediately remind us of each other, and that still puts a smile on my face.
The last unbelievable gesture she did for me was only a few short months ago. She went to a Blink 182 Concert and called me from it when the song "Miss You" came on. It was on my voicemail, so when I played it back and heard her voice and the music in the background, a smile just spread across my face and my eyes began tearing up. Again- gestures like that made her to be the most amazing human being in my eyes, despite her open honesty and critique and her bad lifestyle choices. All I can say is one day, I hope we find each other again. If I didn't know she was at least out there, I don't think my mind could function the way it does.
When I see best friend duos nowadays, I can't help but feel partially jealous, because I don't have that anymore. What I need to remember is that at least I DID have it, and it was great. Now that it's gone, I realize it was the best feeling in the world and not even romance could compare to it. In my eyes and mind, it was nice having someone wanting to be close to you and didn't care what you looked like, how big you were, how awkwardly tall you were next to her, while I felt the rest of the world judging me, I always knew she would be there. In my heart, I feel like she always will be, too.

For music lovers and those looking for new music...

List an artist and song for each letter of your name.

Example:

N Nat "King" Cole: These Foolish Things
I IAMX: Kiss & Swallow
K Kate Earl: Melody
I Idina Menzel: Brave

D David Bowie: Let's Dance (since I just heard this last night watching Buzzcocks haha)


Now you try!